Idiotic Things People Do In New York City #2

Since I can not have a post entitled "Idiotic Things People Do In New York City #1" without following it up with an "Idiotic Things People Do In New York City #2", here it is!

Idiotic Things People Do In New York City #2: Douchebags on the Subway (And/or a Brief Guide to Subway Etiquette from a Girl from the Suburbs)

I come from the suburbs, where we drive everywhere. My first public transit experience was freshman year of college, on the Metro buses in Cincinnati. I accompanied a friend to the library because I wanted to ride the bus with someone who had done it before, in order to avoid doing anything stupid. Since then, I have also taken public transit in San Francisco, CA; Portland, OR; Chicago, IL; Washington, D.C.; Boston, MA; and of course New York City. While most of those instances occurred over weekend visits, I did spend six months in San Francisco, and have noticed that the behavior on the New York subway is a bit different.

I understand that English may not be a first language for many people in New York, but still, the poor reading comprehension I've witnessed is a bit astounding. I even took a photograph of about a dozen or so people sitting on steps, by a sign saying, "Sitting on Stairways is Strictly Prohibited." I've noticed the same problem on the subway—there are signs, but they are blatantly ignored. Sometimes being rebellious makes you look cool, maybe... but in this case, it's just tacky.

So here's the brief list:


#1 - Offer your seat to the disabled and elderly 
If all the seats on the subway are full, which they often are, and an elderly/disabled/pregnant/whatever person enters the subway, and you are not elderly/disabled/pregnant/whatever, offer them your seat. I have seen some unbelievable rudeness in this area; the absolute worst was this girl who had her purse and shopping bag taking up the seat next to her while and elderly woman was standing right there. Really? Your stuff is so special that you can't move it so that an elderly woman can sit down? And again, with the reading comprehension thing... there are signs to enlighten people to this rule... but apparently, just like the "don't lean against the doors" signs, they are ignored.


#2 - If you have personal space issues, public transit is not for you
In NYC, a good amount of people are fat and do legitimately take up two seats. But on many occasions, on a crowded subway, I'll observe people straddling two seats when the size of their body only requires one. I've even seen a guy with his legs spread so wide he was taking up 3 seats. If there's like 5 people on the subway, then fine, take up as much space as you want. However, when it's crowded, it is totally rude to take up multiple seats when you don't have to. Similarly, I've also noticed New Yorkers are not very good at packing it in during particularly crowded times. Again, if you have personal space issues, public transit is not for you. Sometimes it will be crowded and you will have to stand close to people. It happens. Suck it up and move to the center of the car to make room for those boarding.

#3 - When waiting to board, stand out of the way until those exiting the subway car have done so
Ummm... duh? Chances are someone will be exiting out of the door you are about to enter through. Stand to the side and let them out. If you are in my way, I may walk into you, if there is nowhere else for me to go.


#4 - If you are standing, you should probably hold onto the pole. 
One thing that never gets old is tourists, buried in their map books, stumbling back and forth because they seem to think they don't need to hold on... when they really, really do. BART in the SF Bay area is fairly smooth. The NYC subway... not so much. You may think you're cool not holding on... but when the train jerks on a curve or stop and you fall into someone... you definitely do not look cool. Not at all.

#5 - Miscellaneous other pieces of advice that don't require explanation.
a. Don't try to hit on the girl decades younger than you, who has her headphones in and clearly doesn't want to be bothered.
b. No, I am not going to give you money for interrupting my subway ride with your loud, obnoxious, poor guitar playing and singing.
c. Don't hold the doors and hold up the subway. It's annoying.
d. Yes, a crowded subway leads to a lot of physical contact with strangers. Don't be creepy about it.

Idiotic Things People Do In New York City #1

Alright, I'll admit, being a college student, I jaywalk fairly frequently. By campus, there never seems to be a crosswalk where I need one (or a sidewalk, for that matter, but that's a different story), and I know if I do walk to one, I'll have two wait a few minutes for the signals to change. I'm not alone in this; most students do it. However, we do it intelligently, watching traffic to ensure cars don't have to brake to avoid hitting us.

The jaywalking I've witnessed in New York... is a different story. There's a line in the movie Elf, where Buddy the Elf says, "Watch out, the yellow ones don't stop!" As much fake as most of the movie is... that line expresses some truth. The taxis don't stop. You don't even have to watch Elf to know that; it's fairly obvious.

Which brings me to Idiotic Things People Do In New York City #1: Jaywalking, in front of taxis, with CHILDREN

I've witnessed this twice. The first time was a few weeks ago. She couldn't wait 20 more seconds for the light to change; no, it was imperative that she and the baby get across the street right then. So off the edge of the curb they went, right in front of a bright yellow taxi. About halfway across the street, she realized there was a taxi swiftly approaching her, so she increased her speed and arrived safely on the other side before the taxi reached the crosswalk.

Jaywalking in front of a car is stupid. Jaywalking in front of a taxi is even more stupid. Jaywalking in front of a taxi while pushing a child in a stroller... are you kidding me?

I witnessed a similar occurrence today while on my lunch break. The crosswalk light was red/orange, but I glanced to my left to see if it was safe to cross anyway—nope, there are a taxi and he seemed to be in a hurry. So I waited. The family opposite me, however, decided to go ahead and cross the street. This family included a fairly small child, probably 5 or 6 years old. I watched as they ambled across the street and the taxi approached the crosswalk with no indication of intent to slow down. I was imagining the graphic video game like explosion of blood and body parts I was about to witness when the taxi arrived at the crosswalk, swerving to the left to avoid actually hitting the family. But really? It's one thing to risk your own life, but don't bring your small child into your stupidity!

There are certain necessary changes one must make to his or her lifestyle when a baby comes into the picture. This is one of them. Parents of New York City... don't jaywalk with your children. Especially not in front of taxis!

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