One week of school left... Two weeks until graduation. Yes, it's true! The end of my five-year* design program is near! So, I thought I'd make a list of things I've learned through the years. No particular order.
*Yes, it is a real five year program. I'm not behind—I actually finished all my elective requirements year four. Six internship quarters stretch a four year program out to five. :-P
1. You don't spend thousands of dollars and five years of your life to become "official" at doing something you already know how to do—you do it to learn.
2. State schools do not offer the MRS degree program. Go to Christian college for that.
3. If you're a design major... your GPA is really not that important. Your portfolio is.
4. It's okay to take advantage of ALL the free stuff—don't feel guilty. And thanks to television, you can probably pass for a freshman all 4, 5, 6... etc years.
5. AppleCare... is worth the money.
6. Mac users and PC users will never get along. Or, they can, as long as they don't discuss computers.
7. Back up your files often. Best case scenario... you'll be reminded to when your classmate's laptop starts smoking during class... Worst case scenario... your laptop with start smoking during class.
8. If you're not a night owl, don't rent an apartment near the frat houses.
9. Living on campus freshman year is worth the money.
10. UC[incinnati]'s campus is like the city of San Francisco: two places might not look far from each other on a map, but then you realize that somehow, it actually is uphill both ways.
11. It is possible to stay up multiple nights in a row. Just keep drinking caffeine.
12. ...but beware of cheap, sketchy off-brand energy drinks...
13. If you're headed to campus around 11 pm to work on a project... bring a toothbrush and change of clothing.
14. X-acto blades are really sharp.
15. You will probably see more manparts graffiti'd on campus than in art history class slides.
16. The worst place to live is under a room occupied by football players. And don't think you're safe if they're not directly above you... I lived on the 2nd floor and would be bothered by noise coming from the 5th floor football players.
17. College should not feel like high school. If it does, you're hanging out with the wrong people.
18. Ratemyprofessors.com is your friend. Use it when signing up for classes. Write reviews to help those who come after you out.
19. No matter how awesome you were in high school, you probably won't get straight A's every quarter in college. Some professors just grade hard.
and finally... since I am running out of ideas... I'll end at 20:
20. Cincinnati natives... People from out of town have no idea what you're talking about when you mention playing cornhole or eating a 3-way. They will think dirty things.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Creeper Tales #2: Divide by 2 and add 7
Apparently some of the best stories I have are those that come from several years of dancing in a number of cities. Every once in awhile and more often than I'd like, I come across "that guy"... the "creeper"... those he's rarely "the creeper"... he's usually "a creeper," since he's probably not the only one. Every scene has one, and maybe even a half dozen or dozen, depending on the size of the scene. Now, out of respect to these individuals, who probably already have bad enough reputations, I will leave out names, locations, and any other descriptive details not necessary for the telling of the story. Chances are, these stories are not unique to me—or the "creepy leads" involved, so really... it could be anyone, anywhere. I am also titling these "creeper tales," since I have plenty of off-the-dance-floor stories too, especially from my teenage summers working at Kings Island, so maybe those will get told sometime as well.
Creeper Tales #2: Divide by 2 and add 7
There's nothing wrong with a little flirtation in the dance setting... as long as the subject is okay with it. Now, there are all sorts of discussions to be had about determining whether it's wanted by reading signals, body language, etc... but for this post, I'm addressing the aspect of age and the Standard Creepiness Rule.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Standard Creepiness Rule, the comic below references it:
"Standard Creepiness Rule: Don't date under age divided by 2... plus 7"
Now with harmless flirtation, this can probably be a little more flexible, but not as much as some men would hope. What does this mean for me and my creeper stories? I'll work backwards to find the maximum age of men who have any business flirting with me.
To give the men the best possible scenario, let's pretend I actually look my age. 23 - 7 = 16. 16 x 2 = 32. Though now that I think of it, I was 22 at the oldest when any of my old guy creeper events occurred, so 22 - 7 = 15. 15 x 2 = 30. So technically, according to the Standard Creepiness Rule, it was "creepy" for any guy older than 30 to date me... but flirting may have been permissible for men as old as their mid-30s. Men in their 40s and 50s however... absolutely not. Men in theirs 40s and 50s are old enough to be my father. Ewww. And the following stories involve men at least that old.
To again clarify where I am finding fault/creepiness with the following situations... it's the age thing. Had I been 40... these may have merely been cases of really bad pick-up lines... but since I'm 23 and barely look my age... it's just creepy.
Situation #1
The lead, who was probably in his 40s at the youngest, offered me his arm. I accepted. He said, "You accepted. We are about to begin a 4 minute relationship." I was speechless. He continued, "Unless it's a 10 minute song... then it'll be a 10 minute relationship." At that point, I almost "broke up" with him. Being likely half his age... I was not interested with a relationship with him of any length.
(Fun fact: after hearing other stories about this lead... I didn't have it so bad... but this post is about my creeper tales.)
Situation #2
If you know me well at all... you know I am not fond of mustaches. When a man in his late 40s or so with a large mustache asked me to dance... my mustache-hating instincts told me to decline him, but I decided to be polite and non-judgmental... and accepted. And then he proved my creeper instincts right when he said, "Now don't you take advantage of me." Wow. Now I don't know WHERE he got the idea that I'm in the practice of taking advantage of older men... but I was offended... and grossed out. Even if I was the type to take advantage of older men... Hugh Laurie and George Clooney are the only men who should be worried... definitely not this mustache guy. Again, I was at a loss for words, so I just said, "What does that even mean?" Ironically, this was followed by 4 or 5 minutes of 6th grade dance-type awkwardness... about a foot apart, not even touching, just shifting weight. Awkward.
Situation #3
This could also be filed under "How not to ask a follow to dance." I was about to exit the room when I felt a light tug on my ponytail. I was inclined to continue my exit, but concerned that there might be more tugging, I turned around, even though I already knew what the question and my answer would be. Again, this involved a man at least old enough to be my father. He asked me to dance. I said, "No thank you." He replied, "What?" Again I said, "No thank you." And then I exited the room. A few minutes later, while I was in the hallway, he came out and said, "Are you mad at me?" Which was strange... since I didn't even know the man. I think we'd danced once. I said, "I didn't appreciate the way you asked me." He replied, "Your back was turned. I thought it'd be cute." Cute? Really? Tugging on the ponytail of a girl at least twenty years younger than you is CUTE?! Do you go to the playground and tug on the pigtails of the little girls there? It's not cute. It's creepy. I didn't say that to him though. I just said, "Ask me to my face next time." Leads... even if he had been my age... yeah... just, no. Unless you and the girl have that kind of relationship... don't ask with a ponytail tug.
Lessons for leads
If you're bad at math... think of it this way. Would you appreciate a man your age flirting with your daughter or niece? If you're good at math... then when it comes to flirting, consider the Standard Creepiness Rule. Take your age, divide it by 2, then add 7. Now look at the girl. Do you think she's at least that age? Would you put money on it? Or is there a good chance she's younger? Is she young enough you'd worry about her father showing up and kicking your butt? Are you old enough to be her father? Are you George Clooney? You're old enough to be her father and you're not George Clooney? Then... she probably doesn't want your flirtation/awkward pick-up lines. And you don't want the reputation of being the "creepy old guy who hits on the younger girls." (And if you DO want that reputation... I can't help you.)
I'm 23. I don't look it. I don't feel it—I eat cereal with cute cartoon animals on the box, I watch Disney movies, I wear brightly colored mismatched socks AND I still haven't had my first kiss. So when a man old enough to be my father tries to flirt with me, the first thing that comes to mind is "OMG GROSS!" Then I remember I am over 18, so nothing's illegal... but it still makes me uncomfortable. So be friendly, but avoid pick-up lines and references to "relationships" or "taking advantage of" or anything else of the sort... and never, ever, ever tug a stranger's ponytail when asking her to dance. Ever.
Creeper Tales #2: Divide by 2 and add 7
There's nothing wrong with a little flirtation in the dance setting... as long as the subject is okay with it. Now, there are all sorts of discussions to be had about determining whether it's wanted by reading signals, body language, etc... but for this post, I'm addressing the aspect of age and the Standard Creepiness Rule.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Standard Creepiness Rule, the comic below references it:
"Standard Creepiness Rule: Don't date under age divided by 2... plus 7"
Now with harmless flirtation, this can probably be a little more flexible, but not as much as some men would hope. What does this mean for me and my creeper stories? I'll work backwards to find the maximum age of men who have any business flirting with me.
To give the men the best possible scenario, let's pretend I actually look my age. 23 - 7 = 16. 16 x 2 = 32. Though now that I think of it, I was 22 at the oldest when any of my old guy creeper events occurred, so 22 - 7 = 15. 15 x 2 = 30. So technically, according to the Standard Creepiness Rule, it was "creepy" for any guy older than 30 to date me... but flirting may have been permissible for men as old as their mid-30s. Men in their 40s and 50s however... absolutely not. Men in theirs 40s and 50s are old enough to be my father. Ewww. And the following stories involve men at least that old.
To again clarify where I am finding fault/creepiness with the following situations... it's the age thing. Had I been 40... these may have merely been cases of really bad pick-up lines... but since I'm 23 and barely look my age... it's just creepy.
Situation #1
The lead, who was probably in his 40s at the youngest, offered me his arm. I accepted. He said, "You accepted. We are about to begin a 4 minute relationship." I was speechless. He continued, "Unless it's a 10 minute song... then it'll be a 10 minute relationship." At that point, I almost "broke up" with him. Being likely half his age... I was not interested with a relationship with him of any length.
(Fun fact: after hearing other stories about this lead... I didn't have it so bad... but this post is about my creeper tales.)
Situation #2
If you know me well at all... you know I am not fond of mustaches. When a man in his late 40s or so with a large mustache asked me to dance... my mustache-hating instincts told me to decline him, but I decided to be polite and non-judgmental... and accepted. And then he proved my creeper instincts right when he said, "Now don't you take advantage of me." Wow. Now I don't know WHERE he got the idea that I'm in the practice of taking advantage of older men... but I was offended... and grossed out. Even if I was the type to take advantage of older men... Hugh Laurie and George Clooney are the only men who should be worried... definitely not this mustache guy. Again, I was at a loss for words, so I just said, "What does that even mean?" Ironically, this was followed by 4 or 5 minutes of 6th grade dance-type awkwardness... about a foot apart, not even touching, just shifting weight. Awkward.
Situation #3
This could also be filed under "How not to ask a follow to dance." I was about to exit the room when I felt a light tug on my ponytail. I was inclined to continue my exit, but concerned that there might be more tugging, I turned around, even though I already knew what the question and my answer would be. Again, this involved a man at least old enough to be my father. He asked me to dance. I said, "No thank you." He replied, "What?" Again I said, "No thank you." And then I exited the room. A few minutes later, while I was in the hallway, he came out and said, "Are you mad at me?" Which was strange... since I didn't even know the man. I think we'd danced once. I said, "I didn't appreciate the way you asked me." He replied, "Your back was turned. I thought it'd be cute." Cute? Really? Tugging on the ponytail of a girl at least twenty years younger than you is CUTE?! Do you go to the playground and tug on the pigtails of the little girls there? It's not cute. It's creepy. I didn't say that to him though. I just said, "Ask me to my face next time." Leads... even if he had been my age... yeah... just, no. Unless you and the girl have that kind of relationship... don't ask with a ponytail tug.
Lessons for leads
If you're bad at math... think of it this way. Would you appreciate a man your age flirting with your daughter or niece? If you're good at math... then when it comes to flirting, consider the Standard Creepiness Rule. Take your age, divide it by 2, then add 7. Now look at the girl. Do you think she's at least that age? Would you put money on it? Or is there a good chance she's younger? Is she young enough you'd worry about her father showing up and kicking your butt? Are you old enough to be her father? Are you George Clooney? You're old enough to be her father and you're not George Clooney? Then... she probably doesn't want your flirtation/awkward pick-up lines. And you don't want the reputation of being the "creepy old guy who hits on the younger girls." (And if you DO want that reputation... I can't help you.)
I'm 23. I don't look it. I don't feel it—I eat cereal with cute cartoon animals on the box, I watch Disney movies, I wear brightly colored mismatched socks AND I still haven't had my first kiss. So when a man old enough to be my father tries to flirt with me, the first thing that comes to mind is "OMG GROSS!" Then I remember I am over 18, so nothing's illegal... but it still makes me uncomfortable. So be friendly, but avoid pick-up lines and references to "relationships" or "taking advantage of" or anything else of the sort... and never, ever, ever tug a stranger's ponytail when asking her to dance. Ever.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Why I look sixteen years old (and you probably do too)
About two months ago, I had a gentleman at a blues dance tell me he was intimidated to dance with me because I look sixteen years old and he was worried about what his colleagues would think if they walked in and saw him dancing with a sixteen-year-old. I am not sixteen years old... in fact I am twenty-three years old... a full SEVEN years older than that. I may or may not look as old as my peers, but I sure hope I don't still look as young as sixteen (because if I do, that will make my next set of creeper tales "Divide by Two, Add Seven" even creepier). However, I have a theory—high schoolers in many popular TV series and movies are played by people around my age, sometimes older! Here are a handful of examples:
1. Mean Girls
Supposedly, these girls were juniors in high school, making them about sixteen or seventeen years old. However, their ages when the movie came out in April 2004 are as follows:
Gretchen Wieners (Lacey Chaber): 21
Regina George (Rachel McAdams): 25
Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan): 17
Karen Smith (Amanda Seyfried): 18
So Cady and Karen were played by actresses the correct age, but Regina George... that's pushing it.
2. Glee
According to this article, Glee characters will begin graduating in 2012. That means that this season, the characters are probably mostly sophomores and juniors—so they should be fifteen to seventeen years old. However, here are the current ages of some of the actors and actresses who have been involved in both seasons 1 and 2:
Quinn Fabray (Dianna Agron): almost 25
Artie Abrams (Kevin McHale): 22
Rachel Berry (Lea Michele): 24
Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith): almost 29
Mercedes Jones (Amber Riley): 25
Kurt Hummel (Chris Colfer): 20
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman (Mark Salling): 28
Tina Cohen-Chang (Jenna Ushkowitz): almost 25
Santana Lopez (Naya Rivera): 24
Brittany Pierce (Heather Morris): 24
Mike Chang (Harry Shum Jr.): almost 29
Yeah... most of them are around my age and older than me. But the good news is... if anyone was feeling creepy about crushing on the Glee kids because they're supposed to be in high school... don't. Except Kurt. He's a baby.
3. The Secret Life of the American Teenager
Yeah... I watch this show. It's a guilty pleasure. Shush. All I've gotta say is... I was not that messed up in high school. Not at all. Silly Hollywood. Anyway... at this point in the series, I think most of the characters have just begun their senior year(?) making them around seventeen years old. The Secret Life of the American Teenager overall uses younger cast members than Glee, so I'm just going to call out a few of the main characters who are about my age or older.
Megan Park, who plays Grace Bowman, is 24 years old.
Francia Raisa, who plays Adrian Lee, will be 23 in July.
Greg Finley, who plays Jack Pappas, is 26 years old.
So those are a few examples. Of course some shows (many of them on Nick) actually do use high school-aged kids in the roles of high schoolers. However, there are many shows and movies who cast actors and actresses in their twenties for the roles of high schoolers. I would like to say, therefore, for the record, no, I do not look like a sixteen-year-old... but I could totally play one on TV.
1. Mean Girls
Gretchen Wieners (Lacey Chaber): 21
Regina George (Rachel McAdams): 25
Cady Heron (Lindsay Lohan): 17
Karen Smith (Amanda Seyfried): 18
So Cady and Karen were played by actresses the correct age, but Regina George... that's pushing it.
2. Glee
Quinn Fabray (Dianna Agron): almost 25
Artie Abrams (Kevin McHale): 22
Rachel Berry (Lea Michele): 24
Finn Hudson (Cory Monteith): almost 29
Mercedes Jones (Amber Riley): 25
Kurt Hummel (Chris Colfer): 20
Noah 'Puck' Puckerman (Mark Salling): 28
Tina Cohen-Chang (Jenna Ushkowitz): almost 25
Santana Lopez (Naya Rivera): 24
Brittany Pierce (Heather Morris): 24
Mike Chang (Harry Shum Jr.): almost 29
Yeah... most of them are around my age and older than me. But the good news is... if anyone was feeling creepy about crushing on the Glee kids because they're supposed to be in high school... don't. Except Kurt. He's a baby.
3. The Secret Life of the American Teenager
Yeah... I watch this show. It's a guilty pleasure. Shush. All I've gotta say is... I was not that messed up in high school. Not at all. Silly Hollywood. Anyway... at this point in the series, I think most of the characters have just begun their senior year(?) making them around seventeen years old. The Secret Life of the American Teenager overall uses younger cast members than Glee, so I'm just going to call out a few of the main characters who are about my age or older.
So those are a few examples. Of course some shows (many of them on Nick) actually do use high school-aged kids in the roles of high schoolers. However, there are many shows and movies who cast actors and actresses in their twenties for the roles of high schoolers. I would like to say, therefore, for the record, no, I do not look like a sixteen-year-old... but I could totally play one on TV.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Creeper Tales #1: No, that is NOT okay.
Apparently some of the best stories I have are those that come from several years of dancing in a number of cities. Every once in awhile and more often than I'd like, I come across "that guy"... the "creeper"... those he's rarely "the creeper"... he's usually "a creeper," since he's probably not the only one. Every scene has one, and maybe even a half dozen or dozen, depending on the size of the scene. Now, out of respect to these individuals, who probably already have bad enough reputations, I will leave out names, locations, and any other descriptive details not necessary for the telling of the story. Chances are, these stories are not unique to me—or the "creepy leads" involved, so really... it could be anyone, anywhere. I am also titling these "creeper tales," since I have plenty of off-the-dance-floor stories too, especially from my teenage summers working at Kings Island, so maybe those will get told sometime as well.
Creeper Tales #1: No, that is NOT okay.
There are dances you can expect to be uncomfortable... square dancing in 3rd grade when boys are gross and everyone has cooties... your high school prom/homecoming/winter formal... etc. Swing dancing and blues dancing, however, should not be uncomfortable, and should not look anything like your high school prom (or at least my high school prom... ick!). These events are supposed to be fun.
Not to say social dancing isn't awkward, sometimes. Awkward happens. Those first few months when you're not always on beat. That evening when you realize you should've taken it easy at happy hour beforehand. That first lesson when you postulate that you are the first lady your partner has danced with since his sister's wedding... five years ago. Awkward happens. It's a little strange at the time, but we usually get past it and have a great laugh sooner or later.
Uncomfortable, however, is not okay. When you're first introduced to swing/blues dancing, you learn that everyone asks everyone, and you're generally supposed to say yes. For the most part, this works out great. However, sometimes you first yourself trapped into a dance, where you wonder if it's ever okay to say no, or even walk away mid-dance. While dance etiquette typically says yes, you must finish out the song, even if your partner is awkward, I think etiquette can go out the window when it starts to be uncomfortable (as in, inappropriate... that kind of uncomfortable). Here are two incidents, where in hindsight, I think I probably should have walked away mid-song.
Situation #1
I was very new to swing dancing. I knew little of dance etiquette/expectations except that I was supposed to say yes, ask guys, and to dance as much as possible in order to try to get better. With the exception of one salsa lesson the previous school year, swing dancing was my first exposure to social dancing. With one lesson under my belt and very shaky knowledge of the East Coast footwork, I was giving the swing dancing thing a shot.
A man who was at least two decades older than me asked me to dance. I said yes, since I was saying yes to everyone. I probably let him know I was new and not really sure what I was doing yet. The dancing began. He wasn't doing anything that I felt like I knew how to do, which made it rough enough. However, he was also holding me a lot closer that I remembered learning was okay, and in general, the way he was dancing with me made me uncomfortable. It did not feel right. I vocalized several times that I wasn't comfortable with what he was doing; maybe we could just do the East Coast basic? He pretty much ignored my protest, saying I'd figure it out, or something of that nature. At this point, I didn't know what to do. At business camp, in 9th grade, when a boy came behind me and started trying to dance in a way that I didn't like, I said "What THE heck?!" and elbowed him off of me. But this was the grown-up world. Was I allowed to ask him to stop dancing with me and walk away, or did I have to be polite?
I figured I probably had to be polite, so I endured the rest of the song. But I never, ever accepted a dance with that man ever again. At first, I would conveniently "need" water every time I saw him heading my way. But then I learned that it was okay to decline, especially if the lead asking me to dance made me uncomfortable. Now, a little further removed from the incident, I realize that I should've handle the situation like I would anywhere else: "I'm sorry, I'm really not comfortable with this. I'm going to sit the rest of the song out."
Situation #2
This occurred at a blues event in an unfamiliar scene, and at this point I had been dancing for much longer than in "Situation #1."
There are a lot of misconceptions about blues dancing being "dirty." It can be, yes, but activities such as watching a movie or playing poker, can also be dirty, if you and your partner decide that's how you want to do it. I personally like to try to keep my life more or less PG, but to each his own?
Generally, the first time during a dance I feel a lead's hand on my back slip below my belt, I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it's an accident. If I'm feeling extra gracious, I may even give him the benefit of the doubt the second time—after all, accidents happen... and sometimes they happen twice. But once we get to instance 6... 7... 10... 15... yeah,probably not an accident anymore.
This lead was on "oops" #7, not very far into the song, and I was beginning to realize I wasn't too fond of how he was trying to dance. I was uncomfortable. I could see myself in the mirror—I looked uncomfortable. He was "dancing" with me, but I was definitely not dancing with him. I was at an unfamiliar event with two rooms of dancing... maybe this is just how they do it here/in this room? I thought. Maybe I shouldn't have even entered this room if I didn't want the hand-to-butt connection made? I endured the rest of the dance. Yeah, again I was trying to be polite, but I thought also, maybe it was my fault.
But no, apparently that was NOT how they did it there. As I was fleeing that room, a woman approached me. "Can I ask you some questions about the dance you just had?" she asked. Not sure exactly where this was going, I answered "Sure."
"Were you comfortable with the dance you just had?" she asked. At that point, I figured out she was one of the organizers of the event.
"No," I answered.
"Okay. That's all I needed to know," she replied. As I walked away, I saw her approach the lead with whom I had just endured a song, presumably to give him a little talking-to about appropriate dance behavior. I was glad someone was looking out for me, but realized I shouldn't have let it get that far. By "oops" #4 or so, I should have walked away. I talked to a few of the more experienced follows at the event, who confirmed that no, that was not how they did it there, and yes, that guy was a creep. I avoided him for the rest of the night, though I'm sure after his conversation with the organizer... he was not about to approach me again.
Lessons learned
1. Follows... know what's acceptable in the social dance environment. If you don't remember learning about hand-to-butt being a connection point in any of the lessons you've taken... it's probably not. If it makes you really uncomfortable/violated... then it's definitely not okay. You agreed to dance with the guy for one song, not to let him do whatever he wants with you for one song. Go with your instincts and walk away. Try your best to come up with a classy, mature way to do it (whatever fits the particular situation), but if all else fails, do what I did when the obnoxious drunk French guy was trying to dance with me at Radegast on New Year's Eve... say "Oh my gosh. I REALLY have to pee."... and bolt.
(Edit: If you are comfortable speaking up and correcting the lead, try this first. Politely let him know what you are comfortable with and not comfortable with. If he ignores/brushes you off like the lead in situation #1... not okay. Again, this applies to when it's not an accident or unintentional.)
(Note that ditching is only okay when it's truly uncomfortable and the guy has clearly crossed the line. If it's merely awkward, sorry ladies, but show a little grace and stick it out for the remainder of the song. It's up to you whether or not you want to decline future requests by the lead, but for the song, be as polite as you can.)
2. Leads... accidents happen. There's a chance she might not have noticed, but if you noticed, she probably noticed. Apologize, so that there's no question in her mind about whether or not you were trying to make a move on her. Also, pay attention to your follow (good general advice). If she looks/feels uncomfortable for any reason, try to alleviate it... whether it's the uncomfortable discussed in the blog post, or if she just looks really nervous about being swung out into the nearby column. Dancing is supposed to be fun. Don't make your follow feel uncomfortable. [Semi-related... don't torture your follow just because you're the lead and she "has to" follow what you're leading (i.e. spinning the girl 16 times in a row, etc.). It's not very nice.]
3. Organizers... follow the example of the woman at the blues event and keep an eye on what's going on at your event, if you can. I kept going out dancing, despite an uncomfortable situation one of my first times out, but other ladies might be deterred and get the wrong idea about the event. I think conduct so inappropriate it requires an intervention is rare, but it does happen every once in awhile. Keep an eye out.
A few final thoughts...
For my non-dancing friends... don't be scared away from dancing! In about three years of social dance experience, I was only able to come up with two situations where what the lead was doing was really not okay or acceptable at all. This doesn't happen all that often, but it does happen.
Again, yes, once you agree to a dance, you should really be polite and finish the song. The lead smells awful? Stick it out... and hope for lots of turns and swing outs to breathe on. He's soaked in sweat? Keep your mouth closed... and stick it out. Nothing at all is going right during the dance? Stick it out. But just know that social dancing etiquette does not give men a "free pass" for being inappropriate. That's a major, major epic dance foul.
Creeper Tales #1: No, that is NOT okay.
There are dances you can expect to be uncomfortable... square dancing in 3rd grade when boys are gross and everyone has cooties... your high school prom/homecoming/winter formal... etc. Swing dancing and blues dancing, however, should not be uncomfortable, and should not look anything like your high school prom (or at least my high school prom... ick!). These events are supposed to be fun.
Not to say social dancing isn't awkward, sometimes. Awkward happens. Those first few months when you're not always on beat. That evening when you realize you should've taken it easy at happy hour beforehand. That first lesson when you postulate that you are the first lady your partner has danced with since his sister's wedding... five years ago. Awkward happens. It's a little strange at the time, but we usually get past it and have a great laugh sooner or later.
Uncomfortable, however, is not okay. When you're first introduced to swing/blues dancing, you learn that everyone asks everyone, and you're generally supposed to say yes. For the most part, this works out great. However, sometimes you first yourself trapped into a dance, where you wonder if it's ever okay to say no, or even walk away mid-dance. While dance etiquette typically says yes, you must finish out the song, even if your partner is awkward, I think etiquette can go out the window when it starts to be uncomfortable (as in, inappropriate... that kind of uncomfortable). Here are two incidents, where in hindsight, I think I probably should have walked away mid-song.
Situation #1
I was very new to swing dancing. I knew little of dance etiquette/expectations except that I was supposed to say yes, ask guys, and to dance as much as possible in order to try to get better. With the exception of one salsa lesson the previous school year, swing dancing was my first exposure to social dancing. With one lesson under my belt and very shaky knowledge of the East Coast footwork, I was giving the swing dancing thing a shot.
A man who was at least two decades older than me asked me to dance. I said yes, since I was saying yes to everyone. I probably let him know I was new and not really sure what I was doing yet. The dancing began. He wasn't doing anything that I felt like I knew how to do, which made it rough enough. However, he was also holding me a lot closer that I remembered learning was okay, and in general, the way he was dancing with me made me uncomfortable. It did not feel right. I vocalized several times that I wasn't comfortable with what he was doing; maybe we could just do the East Coast basic? He pretty much ignored my protest, saying I'd figure it out, or something of that nature. At this point, I didn't know what to do. At business camp, in 9th grade, when a boy came behind me and started trying to dance in a way that I didn't like, I said "What THE heck?!" and elbowed him off of me. But this was the grown-up world. Was I allowed to ask him to stop dancing with me and walk away, or did I have to be polite?
I figured I probably had to be polite, so I endured the rest of the song. But I never, ever accepted a dance with that man ever again. At first, I would conveniently "need" water every time I saw him heading my way. But then I learned that it was okay to decline, especially if the lead asking me to dance made me uncomfortable. Now, a little further removed from the incident, I realize that I should've handle the situation like I would anywhere else: "I'm sorry, I'm really not comfortable with this. I'm going to sit the rest of the song out."
Situation #2
This occurred at a blues event in an unfamiliar scene, and at this point I had been dancing for much longer than in "Situation #1."
There are a lot of misconceptions about blues dancing being "dirty." It can be, yes, but activities such as watching a movie or playing poker, can also be dirty, if you and your partner decide that's how you want to do it. I personally like to try to keep my life more or less PG, but to each his own?
Generally, the first time during a dance I feel a lead's hand on my back slip below my belt, I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it's an accident. If I'm feeling extra gracious, I may even give him the benefit of the doubt the second time—after all, accidents happen... and sometimes they happen twice. But once we get to instance 6... 7... 10... 15... yeah,
This lead was on "oops" #7, not very far into the song, and I was beginning to realize I wasn't too fond of how he was trying to dance. I was uncomfortable. I could see myself in the mirror—I looked uncomfortable. He was "dancing" with me, but I was definitely not dancing with him. I was at an unfamiliar event with two rooms of dancing... maybe this is just how they do it here/in this room? I thought. Maybe I shouldn't have even entered this room if I didn't want the hand-to-butt connection made? I endured the rest of the dance. Yeah, again I was trying to be polite, but I thought also, maybe it was my fault.
But no, apparently that was NOT how they did it there. As I was fleeing that room, a woman approached me. "Can I ask you some questions about the dance you just had?" she asked. Not sure exactly where this was going, I answered "Sure."
"Were you comfortable with the dance you just had?" she asked. At that point, I figured out she was one of the organizers of the event.
"No," I answered.
"Okay. That's all I needed to know," she replied. As I walked away, I saw her approach the lead with whom I had just endured a song, presumably to give him a little talking-to about appropriate dance behavior. I was glad someone was looking out for me, but realized I shouldn't have let it get that far. By "oops" #4 or so, I should have walked away. I talked to a few of the more experienced follows at the event, who confirmed that no, that was not how they did it there, and yes, that guy was a creep. I avoided him for the rest of the night, though I'm sure after his conversation with the organizer... he was not about to approach me again.
Lessons learned
1. Follows... know what's acceptable in the social dance environment. If you don't remember learning about hand-to-butt being a connection point in any of the lessons you've taken... it's probably not. If it makes you really uncomfortable/violated... then it's definitely not okay. You agreed to dance with the guy for one song, not to let him do whatever he wants with you for one song. Go with your instincts and walk away. Try your best to come up with a classy, mature way to do it (whatever fits the particular situation), but if all else fails, do what I did when the obnoxious drunk French guy was trying to dance with me at Radegast on New Year's Eve... say "Oh my gosh. I REALLY have to pee."... and bolt.
(Edit: If you are comfortable speaking up and correcting the lead, try this first. Politely let him know what you are comfortable with and not comfortable with. If he ignores/brushes you off like the lead in situation #1... not okay. Again, this applies to when it's not an accident or unintentional.)
(Note that ditching is only okay when it's truly uncomfortable and the guy has clearly crossed the line. If it's merely awkward, sorry ladies, but show a little grace and stick it out for the remainder of the song. It's up to you whether or not you want to decline future requests by the lead, but for the song, be as polite as you can.)
2. Leads... accidents happen. There's a chance she might not have noticed, but if you noticed, she probably noticed. Apologize, so that there's no question in her mind about whether or not you were trying to make a move on her. Also, pay attention to your follow (good general advice). If she looks/feels uncomfortable for any reason, try to alleviate it... whether it's the uncomfortable discussed in the blog post, or if she just looks really nervous about being swung out into the nearby column. Dancing is supposed to be fun. Don't make your follow feel uncomfortable. [Semi-related... don't torture your follow just because you're the lead and she "has to" follow what you're leading (i.e. spinning the girl 16 times in a row, etc.). It's not very nice.]
3. Organizers... follow the example of the woman at the blues event and keep an eye on what's going on at your event, if you can. I kept going out dancing, despite an uncomfortable situation one of my first times out, but other ladies might be deterred and get the wrong idea about the event. I think conduct so inappropriate it requires an intervention is rare, but it does happen every once in awhile. Keep an eye out.
A few final thoughts...
For my non-dancing friends... don't be scared away from dancing! In about three years of social dance experience, I was only able to come up with two situations where what the lead was doing was really not okay or acceptable at all. This doesn't happen all that often, but it does happen.
Again, yes, once you agree to a dance, you should really be polite and finish the song. The lead smells awful? Stick it out... and hope for lots of turns and swing outs to breathe on. He's soaked in sweat? Keep your mouth closed... and stick it out. Nothing at all is going right during the dance? Stick it out. But just know that social dancing etiquette does not give men a "free pass" for being inappropriate. That's a major, major epic dance foul.
Friday, April 1, 2011
Blast from the past—My favorite prank
I do not believe in April Fool's Day. Why set aside only one day for pranks when one can achieve more effective results by playing pranks when the situation naturally calls for them? Not only is the subject less likely to see the prank coming, but I feel that putting all of the pressure on one particular day is stifling to creativity. The one exception I'll give is to large companies and organizations that really couldn't justify a prank any other time of the year. Playing around on April Fool's Day is generally good for their image, but on any other day, fooling with the public might look tasteless.
I don't play a lot of pranks, and that is for two very good reasons: (1) I am a horrible liar and most pranks require some sort of deception, and (2) Even if I can tell a convincing lie, I can't maintain a straight face for long. If a prank doesn't require me actually interacting with the subject (such as signing up a boy for free tampon samples online), then I'm more likely to be successful.
However, in high school, I did play a prank that involved direct interaction with thevictim subject, and as I recall, I actually pulled it off. I was just going to copy and paste my Xanga account of the prank, however, due to not wanting to give out too much information at the time, it's a bit difficult to decipher. Now that is has been several years since the situation occurred, I believe I can tell the story with a little more clarity; however, I will still use fake names in order to protect the identity of those involved.
Thursday, November 17, 2005—My favorite prank
It was the fall of my senior year of high school. I had a little crush on a boy in one of my classes. Actually, I probably had little crushes on boys in most/all of my classes. However, this story involves one boy in particular. In order to protect his identity, I will call him Frank.
I didn't have a major crush on Frank—just a little one. I thought he was kinda cute, but I wasn't exactly talking to all my female friends about it. Not a major crush, but just enough of one to be really, really annoyed/shocked when he came out to me on Myspace. This was the first time that anyone who was in the closet had come out to me, and I'll admit, due to my selfish interest in this kid/this kid's good looks, I didn't respond very well. I was young, he was cute... it happens.
Frank and I had a mutual friend. I'll call him William. On the morning of this particular Thursday, William had printed out an instant messenger conversation that he and Frank had had the evening before. The two of them had discussed Frank's sexuality and how another boy (I'll call him Hayden) was a jerk and how they were glad he didn't know Frank was gay. However, this conversation also included some not-so-nice remarks about me (presumably related to my little crush on Frank). When I read it, my response in my head was, "Wow. Really William? You didn't have the brains to edit this before giving it to me to read?" So I decided to play a little prank on William to teach him a lesson, especially since I didn't appreciate the things he had said to Frank about me.
That day, I had plans to eat lunch with William and two other friends. I let the two other friends in on the prank I was about to play, so they could help me be convincing.
I'm not sure whether or not William knew that I knew Hayden when he handed me the printed conversation. I did not know Hayden well, but he and I did have a class together. So I used that to my advantage.
At lunch, William asked me about the printed conversation—he wanted me to give it back to him after I had read it, in order to make sure the sensitive information didn't get into the wrong hands. I reached into my hoodie pocket and said, "Oh yeah, I have it right here!... oh crap... these are the notes I thought I gave Hayden first period... that must mean I gave him the conversation instead!" After I "checked" my folders to make sure I didn't have the conversation, William was convinced that I had indeed handed Hayden the conversation instead of the class notes. My friends contributed some "Oh no! This is bad", etc to the conversation, and William was freaking out, saying things like, "Oh my gosh... the WHOLE school's going to know about Frank and Hayden's going to hate me!!!" We kept it up for about 20 minutes, but then the lunch period was almost over and I had to tell William the truth, so that he wouldn't tell Frank that Hayden had been given the conversation... since that actually didn't happen, and this was a prank on William, not Frank. (The notes were real, but the situation where I needed to give them to Hayden was made up). William was a little mad when he found out, but he took it pretty well. I don't know if he learned his lesson, but it's one of those things we laugh about now, so it's all good.
This is one of my favorite pranks I've played, and one of the most memorable, since I actually fooled "William" into believing me... and kept it up for most of the lunch period. The moral of the story is... don't get on my bad side. Or else. *Insert evil laughter, thunder, and lightning here*
I don't play a lot of pranks, and that is for two very good reasons: (1) I am a horrible liar and most pranks require some sort of deception, and (2) Even if I can tell a convincing lie, I can't maintain a straight face for long. If a prank doesn't require me actually interacting with the subject (such as signing up a boy for free tampon samples online), then I'm more likely to be successful.
However, in high school, I did play a prank that involved direct interaction with the
Thursday, November 17, 2005—My favorite prank
It was the fall of my senior year of high school. I had a little crush on a boy in one of my classes. Actually, I probably had little crushes on boys in most/all of my classes. However, this story involves one boy in particular. In order to protect his identity, I will call him Frank.
I didn't have a major crush on Frank—just a little one. I thought he was kinda cute, but I wasn't exactly talking to all my female friends about it. Not a major crush, but just enough of one to be really, really annoyed/shocked when he came out to me on Myspace. This was the first time that anyone who was in the closet had come out to me, and I'll admit, due to my selfish interest in this kid/this kid's good looks, I didn't respond very well. I was young, he was cute... it happens.
Frank and I had a mutual friend. I'll call him William. On the morning of this particular Thursday, William had printed out an instant messenger conversation that he and Frank had had the evening before. The two of them had discussed Frank's sexuality and how another boy (I'll call him Hayden) was a jerk and how they were glad he didn't know Frank was gay. However, this conversation also included some not-so-nice remarks about me (presumably related to my little crush on Frank). When I read it, my response in my head was, "Wow. Really William? You didn't have the brains to edit this before giving it to me to read?" So I decided to play a little prank on William to teach him a lesson, especially since I didn't appreciate the things he had said to Frank about me.
That day, I had plans to eat lunch with William and two other friends. I let the two other friends in on the prank I was about to play, so they could help me be convincing.
I'm not sure whether or not William knew that I knew Hayden when he handed me the printed conversation. I did not know Hayden well, but he and I did have a class together. So I used that to my advantage.
At lunch, William asked me about the printed conversation—he wanted me to give it back to him after I had read it, in order to make sure the sensitive information didn't get into the wrong hands. I reached into my hoodie pocket and said, "Oh yeah, I have it right here!... oh crap... these are the notes I thought I gave Hayden first period... that must mean I gave him the conversation instead!" After I "checked" my folders to make sure I didn't have the conversation, William was convinced that I had indeed handed Hayden the conversation instead of the class notes. My friends contributed some "Oh no! This is bad", etc to the conversation, and William was freaking out, saying things like, "Oh my gosh... the WHOLE school's going to know about Frank and Hayden's going to hate me!!!" We kept it up for about 20 minutes, but then the lunch period was almost over and I had to tell William the truth, so that he wouldn't tell Frank that Hayden had been given the conversation... since that actually didn't happen, and this was a prank on William, not Frank. (The notes were real, but the situation where I needed to give them to Hayden was made up). William was a little mad when he found out, but he took it pretty well. I don't know if he learned his lesson, but it's one of those things we laugh about now, so it's all good.
This is one of my favorite pranks I've played, and one of the most memorable, since I actually fooled "William" into believing me... and kept it up for most of the lunch period. The moral of the story is... don't get on my bad side. Or else. *Insert evil laughter, thunder, and lightning here*
Monday, March 21, 2011
Dance-related #1: Things I never, ever, EVER want to hear leads say
I am no dance etiquette pro, but these are just a few pet peeves, in no particular order, from a follow's perspective, collected over almost 3 years of social dance experience.
1. "Would you like to try?"
It is not uncommon for newer leads to approach me and ask in this fashion. However, what I hear is "Hi, I'm not very good and I really don't expect you to be either." Alrighty then. I'll give you 5%, since after all, you're only asking me to "try." Asking in this manner sets a negative tone for the dance before it even begins. If you would like to disclose that it is your first time or you are fairly new, then just say so. But ask me if I would like to dance. Do not ask me if I'd like to "try."
(Quick edit/note: This is different than "Hi, I'm new, would you like to dance?" or "Hey, this is my third time and I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing." Those statements are more than valid and don't make any assumptions that my dancing isn't good. I'm objecting to the particular phrasing "would you like to try?" because of the "you" focus of it.)
2. "Can I give you some advice on your dancing?" (or other non-safety issue unsolicited feedback, at a social dance)
Immediately, that suggests to me that you did not enjoy our dance. If that is the case, ignorance is bliss; I'd rather not know. Even if that's not the case, just knowing that you were thinking about something I was doing incorrectly during our dance will make me self-conscious for the rest of the evening. I'm there to have fun—unless I'm like, clamping your right leg and completely cutting off circulation or something else dangerous, just let me have fun and keep your mouth shut. I take classes to learn/get feedback. Social dances are supposed to be fun.
3. "We are about to begin a 4 minute relationship." (Or anything else implying that it is anything more than a dance)
If I don't know you, this is awkward. If you're twice my age, this is creepy. Odds are good, I did not say yes because I'm sexually attracted to you. It's just a dance. Two people (hopefully) connecting to the music together. It's supposed to be fun. Don't make it uncomfortable.
4. "What other moves do you know?" (maybe not a "never, ever, ever" thing, but not a question I like to be asked)
I focus on following well, not cataloging every move that a lead has ever led with me. I can show you an inside turn, an outside turn, and the cuddle in East Coast swing. Beyond that, I do not remember what the lead was doing... I was just following/dancing. Sorry!
5. "Do you know the pretzel?"
...I eat pretzels...
(Pretzel usually results in more ow than fun. Let's not and not even say we did, either.)
6. "You're supposed to turn... remember?" (in lessons, usually)
For the most part, I don't "remember" to turn. I follow what you lead. If I don't feel the lead, and I'm trying to follow as honestly as possible because it's a class, I won't turn. If any part of it is my error, the error is not me "forgetting." The only time I "remember" to turn is when it's 4 in the morning and I'm also having to remember to stand up and to stay awake.
1. "Would you like to try?"
It is not uncommon for newer leads to approach me and ask in this fashion. However, what I hear is "Hi, I'm not very good and I really don't expect you to be either." Alrighty then. I'll give you 5%, since after all, you're only asking me to "try." Asking in this manner sets a negative tone for the dance before it even begins. If you would like to disclose that it is your first time or you are fairly new, then just say so. But ask me if I would like to dance. Do not ask me if I'd like to "try."
(Quick edit/note: This is different than "Hi, I'm new, would you like to dance?" or "Hey, this is my third time and I'm still not entirely sure what I'm doing." Those statements are more than valid and don't make any assumptions that my dancing isn't good. I'm objecting to the particular phrasing "would you like to try?" because of the "you" focus of it.)
2. "Can I give you some advice on your dancing?" (or other non-safety issue unsolicited feedback, at a social dance)
Immediately, that suggests to me that you did not enjoy our dance. If that is the case, ignorance is bliss; I'd rather not know. Even if that's not the case, just knowing that you were thinking about something I was doing incorrectly during our dance will make me self-conscious for the rest of the evening. I'm there to have fun—unless I'm like, clamping your right leg and completely cutting off circulation or something else dangerous, just let me have fun and keep your mouth shut. I take classes to learn/get feedback. Social dances are supposed to be fun.
3. "We are about to begin a 4 minute relationship." (Or anything else implying that it is anything more than a dance)
If I don't know you, this is awkward. If you're twice my age, this is creepy. Odds are good, I did not say yes because I'm sexually attracted to you. It's just a dance. Two people (hopefully) connecting to the music together. It's supposed to be fun. Don't make it uncomfortable.
4. "What other moves do you know?" (maybe not a "never, ever, ever" thing, but not a question I like to be asked)
I focus on following well, not cataloging every move that a lead has ever led with me. I can show you an inside turn, an outside turn, and the cuddle in East Coast swing. Beyond that, I do not remember what the lead was doing... I was just following/dancing. Sorry!
5. "Do you know the pretzel?"
...I eat pretzels...
(Pretzel usually results in more ow than fun. Let's not and not even say we did, either.)
6. "You're supposed to turn... remember?" (in lessons, usually)
For the most part, I don't "remember" to turn. I follow what you lead. If I don't feel the lead, and I'm trying to follow as honestly as possible because it's a class, I won't turn. If any part of it is my error, the error is not me "forgetting." The only time I "remember" to turn is when it's 4 in the morning and I'm also having to remember to stand up and to stay awake.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
On rainy days, I wish I had a long, pointy umbrella
To keep with the theme thusfar, I suppose this post could also be called "Idiotic Things People Do in New York City #3: Be in my way." However, this issue is not unique to NYC and is more annoying than idiotic.
Commuting from the suburbs of Cincinnati to school in Clifton can be an interesting, patient-testing experience. Whether on I-75 or on the roads around campus, one always has to keep an eye out for cars doing really stupid things (what kind of stupid things? That's another blog for another time.) I've also witnessed a little bit of insanity while walking in New York that makes me grateful that I don't want to drive here and navigate heavy traffic. However, there is another nuisance on the morning commute: foot traffic.
On my morning commute, I have to ascend 2 flights of stairs to get to my first train, exit at a station, climb another flight of stairs, walk through a tunnel underground, descend a flight of stairs, catch a second train, then ascend 2 flights of stairs again at the subway stop by my place of work. In the evening, it's the same, but in reverse.
There are two kinds of people who ride the NYC subway... those who are trying to get somewhere... and those who aren't. Unfortunately, since my work hours are a little later in the morning (9:30 am)... at least 90% of the people on the subway fall into the second group—people who aren't working and don't necessarily have somewhere to be. They amble along slowly, taking up as much space and possible, completely oblivious to the power-walkers behind them, who are about to run them over, kick them down the stairs, etc. Some have valid excuses—the disabled and elderly get a free pass on this. But the lovey dovey couple who has to hold hands and take up the entire width of the stairs? That doesn't work.
Each morning it becomes more and more apparent to me that walking is much like driving, except there's usually no large, heavy machinery involved, so people are much less worried about collisions.Sometimes Often, I feel like the subway tunnels could benefit from lanes and traffic signals—but then again, looking at my first and second posts... no one would follow them. But how helpful would it be, if slower foot traffic stayed to the right, allowing the faster traffic to pass on the left? Or what about those times the oncoming foot traffic decides to occupy the whole width of the subway tunnel? Wouldn't a median be nice? And when it comes to intersections... right now, it feels like dodgeball or human bumper cars. How about traffic signals? Yeah... waiting at a red light would be just as much of a nuisance as on the road, but it's only a matter of time until we hear about ten body pile-up, caused by the collision of multiple directions of foot traffic.
One of my big pet peeves when driving is missing a green light because the car in front of me is driving so slowly. Likewise, it drives me nuts when I just barely miss a train and know I could have made it if it weren't for the slow walkers. This is most annoying when I can't descend the stairs fast enough because everyone else is taking up too much space and taking their sweet time. Kicking people down the stairs is really not very nice, but when you don't move the side to allow me to pass... I consider it.
And that is why I should really carry a long, pointy umbrella... even on sunny days.
Commuting from the suburbs of Cincinnati to school in Clifton can be an interesting, patient-testing experience. Whether on I-75 or on the roads around campus, one always has to keep an eye out for cars doing really stupid things (what kind of stupid things? That's another blog for another time.) I've also witnessed a little bit of insanity while walking in New York that makes me grateful that I don't want to drive here and navigate heavy traffic. However, there is another nuisance on the morning commute: foot traffic.
On my morning commute, I have to ascend 2 flights of stairs to get to my first train, exit at a station, climb another flight of stairs, walk through a tunnel underground, descend a flight of stairs, catch a second train, then ascend 2 flights of stairs again at the subway stop by my place of work. In the evening, it's the same, but in reverse.
There are two kinds of people who ride the NYC subway... those who are trying to get somewhere... and those who aren't. Unfortunately, since my work hours are a little later in the morning (9:30 am)... at least 90% of the people on the subway fall into the second group—people who aren't working and don't necessarily have somewhere to be. They amble along slowly, taking up as much space and possible, completely oblivious to the power-walkers behind them, who are about to run them over, kick them down the stairs, etc. Some have valid excuses—the disabled and elderly get a free pass on this. But the lovey dovey couple who has to hold hands and take up the entire width of the stairs? That doesn't work.
Each morning it becomes more and more apparent to me that walking is much like driving, except there's usually no large, heavy machinery involved, so people are much less worried about collisions.
One of my big pet peeves when driving is missing a green light because the car in front of me is driving so slowly. Likewise, it drives me nuts when I just barely miss a train and know I could have made it if it weren't for the slow walkers. This is most annoying when I can't descend the stairs fast enough because everyone else is taking up too much space and taking their sweet time. Kicking people down the stairs is really not very nice, but when you don't move the side to allow me to pass... I consider it.
And that is why I should really carry a long, pointy umbrella... even on sunny days.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)