"Do you have kids?"
A man asked me that today. A century or two ago, by the age of 23, I'm sure I would have dozens of children... and maybe a few cows. But it's 2011. Women leave the kitchen and go to college and get jobs and crazy stuff like that. Kids? I'm 23! I've hardly left the stage of "kid" myself (it's debatable, depending on the day).
This isn't the first time I've been asked that, though. Here are the stories of the few times that I have:
1) Today I was doing laundry... as was everyone else in the building. A man waiting for the last few minutes of his things drying made small talk with me... and that was one of the questions he asked me. Kids? Do I look old enough to have kids? I suppose a lot of people in the neighborhood have kids. But no... no I don't. Interestingly enough, this was the first time I've had that "Oh no! Am I starting to look OLD?!?! How old do I look? Do I need to start buying special moisturizer to keep myself young?" panic. Usually I'm celebrating when I can buy an R-rated movie or go to the mall after a certain time without showing my ID; I'm not worried about looking older than I am. Usually...
2) It was probably either my 2nd or 3rd year of college... so I was 19-21-ish. I was riding the bus in Cincinnati and an adorable little toddler/pre-schooler sat in the seat next to me (her mother was behind us) and started talking to me. At some point she asked me, "Do you have a daughter?" I told her I didn't, so she, of course, followed up with a "Why not?" How do you answer a question like that? "Well...I haven't had sex yet."? That wouldn't work... unless her mother has, for some reason, already had "the talk" with her. (And what about the follow-up "why not?" to that?) "I'm only 20..."? I'm not sure how old her mother was. "I'm not married."? I don't know if her mother was married or not. I think I stuttered out a not much better, "Uhh... I haven't found a daddy yet."...which, still might have been a wrong answer, if she didn't have a daddy in her life. But how do you answer a question like that? It wasn't strange that she asked me if I had a daughter, since she was probably 3 years old or something, so everyone over the age of 15 probably seemed to be a "grown-up" to her. Perhaps a "I'm too busy with school" might have worked, even if she didn't understand that answer.
3) And finally... the first time I was ever asked if I had children. I was working at Kings Island at the time, drawing portraits, so I was probably 17 or 18. I believe one of my coworkers was drawing a woman's children and I made a comment on how adorable they were, and she asked me, "Do you have kids of your own?" Either being in high school or being barely out of high school... that was DEFINITELY not something anyone had asked me before... nor anything I had expected to be asked. I of course responded, "No... I'm only 17 (or 18)." My coworkers and I had a good laugh about that one.
I know that technically, I am old enough to produce a child, given the right behaviors and conditions.. and probably have been for more than half my life at this point... but I'm 23! And I live in New York City. Do I have kids? Of course not! a) This city is too expensive without having to pay for children. b) I like staying out past my bedtime... not ready to give that up yet! and, of course, c) I haven't found a daddy for them yet...
Maybe someday... but definitely not today!
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