Dance-related #2: How to be that creepy guy

Ever feel like you're invisible in your dance scene? You've been coming out for awhile, but no one seems to know your name? No matter how hard you try, you just aren't exceptional enough to stand out on a crowded dance floor? Wish there was a way to be memorable, even without talent? Well... guess what! There is! If you can't be "that awesome guy," you can be "that creepy guy." Here are a few pointers to help you be memorable.

1) Don't shower and/or use deodorant ever again. 
As soon as you walk onto the dance floor, you will have everybody's attention. Even people who aren't looking your way will drop everything they're doing to ask, "Who is that?" Follows won't have to search for you on the crowded dance floor... they will know exactly where you are... at all times.

2) Wear the same outfit every time you go out dancing.

You know how you meet someone and have no problem remembering their name that day... but completely forget it the next time you see them because they're wearing something completely different? This is pretty much the same. The follows will remember your name with much more ease if you're wearing the same outfit each time they see you. It will also help if the outfit is particularly quirky and memorable... such as a "denim tuxedo" or a T-shirt with a raunchy message. This strategy also carries with it a sense of mystery. Every follow will be wondering, "Does he own a dozen identical denim shirts... or does he just never do laundry?"

3) Sneak-attack ask follows.

Most people love surprises. Follows are no different. Making eye-contact and asking politely at a socially acceptable distance is so commonplace and predictable. To be memorable, instead look for those unique asking techniques. Maybe grab the follow's hip. Or approach from behind and wrap your arm around her waist. Or if you really want to spice things up... yank her hair. She will never forget it. And if you find you favor one technique over another, use it on every follow, every time. Not only will everyone know who you are, but you'll earn a cool nickname, like "Ponytail-yankin Peter" or "Grabby Gary."

4) Dance pelvis-forward close-embrace blues* at a swing dance.

Follows get so bored of the same lindy and charleston dances... they all begin to feel the same after awhile. If you want a follow's dance with you to be the most memorable one of the evening, spring some pelvis-forward close-embrace blues in a song where she would least expect it. It will particularly stand out if the song is not suggesting it at all. That'll also show your exceptional creativity... you don't need the music to give you hints about want you can do... you come up with it all on your own.

Use these four techniques and before you know it, everyone will know who you are. And the newbies that don't... well, you'll just have to introduce yourself to them as soon as possible!

*Note to my non-dance friends who won't understand the reference... "pelvis-forward close-embrace blues" is not a socially acceptable form of dance... ever. Especially when not musically appropriate.

Ridiculous Advertising #2

And now the time has come for another post about ridiculous advertising!

1) "What part of chicken is nugget?" KFC

I was watching TBS yesterday, and I saw this commercial about a billion times. KFC makes a good point... what part of the chicken is nugget? But KFC, what part of chicken is popcorn? Even after viewing the commercial for the 23rd time, their argument still didn't make much sense to me. Nice try, KFC, but really?

2) "Just Bitten" by Revlon

"Have you ever been bitten?" Who the heck came up with that line? And how did it ever make it off the concept boards and onto TV?

You know, I have been bitten. A Great Dane bit my arm once... not fun. I've also been bitten by mosquitoes on many, many occasions. Those bites are particularly annoying because they itch for a few days. And...just a few weeks ago, my roommate was bitten by at least one cat. She really didn't seem to enjoy the experience one bit!

So Revlon, what exactly are you trying to say about your product? That it will make my lips red, itchy and swollen? (Or is the correct word "plump?") I don't see how associating your product with a negative experience will help sell it... but okay, Revlon.

3) Manhattan Mini Storage

I was with two friends on the subway when I first saw this ad. We put our three brains together and none of us could figure out what the line had to do with storage.

It's an interesting approach—I guess Manhattan Mini Storage determined that their brand's visual language was well established enough that their copy no longer needed to actually promote their service. People will see their ads and immediately recognize them as belonging to "the company that runs the blue (and yellow, if we're talking about color) ads." If they're lucky, their audience might even realize that they're looking an advertisement for a storage company... and not some kid's Twitter account that took a wrong turn and somehow made it's way out of the intertubes and onto a billboard.

I'm just saying... it seems a bit odd to put an unrelated political view on an ad instead of a promotional message. Imagine if McDonald's put out billboards that said "Abortion stops a beating heart." Well yes, that's true, it does...

...but so does a Big Mac.

Things people who don't live in NYC think about NYC #1

I haven't lived here long, but I've noticed that a few things aren't as my friends in other cities think... here a few things I've heard and what I've found to be true. Numbering this post, since it may have a sequel, if I think of more things. :-)

1. NYC is really, really cold
Before I moved this summer, someone told me to bring jackets and sweaters because NYC is further north than Cincinnati and it would be cold. Actually, NYC has warm weather in the summer... it's around the same temperature as Cincinnati, but less humid. I also found the winter temperatures to be fairly similar most of the time... so that's not exactly true...

2. NYC is really, really hot
I heard this in San Francisco. Compared to the 60 degree foggy summers there... sure. But with the exception of a few 100+ days, I found the summer weather to be completely wonderful. NYC is less humid than Cincinnati, so it was actually an improvement for me. And I successfully survived the summer without A/C in my bedroom.

3. Harlem is its own borough
Several people have said to me, "And Harlem is a borough, right?" Haha... no. NYC has 5 boroughs: Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, The Bronx, and Staten Island. Harlem is a neighborhood in Manhattan. Yes, Manhattan. Many people are surprised to hear this.

4. Everyone dresses to the nines all the time
I was having dinner at a friend's apartment and her mother said, "In New York City, everyone dress to the nines all the time," and went on and on about it. Since I was a guest and wanted to be polite, I didn't say anything, but I wanted to say, "Have you ever BEEN to New York City?" Yes, some people dress very nicely... and a lot of people don't. At my office, we can wear jeans. Some people are very fashionable... and then there's the rest of us. And don't even get me started on Inwood (my neighborhood); I'm probably the best-dressed one here.

"Do you have kids of your own?": A question I am still too young to hear

"Do you have kids?"

A man asked me that today. A century or two ago, by the age of 23, I'm sure I would have dozens of children... and maybe a few cows. But it's 2011. Women leave the kitchen and go to college and get jobs and crazy stuff like that. Kids? I'm 23! I've hardly left the stage of "kid" myself (it's debatable, depending on the day).

This isn't the first time I've been asked that, though. Here are the stories of the few times that I have:

1) Today I was doing laundry... as was everyone else in the building. A man waiting for the last few minutes of his things drying made small talk with me... and that was one of the questions he asked me. Kids? Do I look old enough to have kids? I suppose a lot of people in the neighborhood have kids. But no... no I don't. Interestingly enough, this was the first time I've had that "Oh no! Am I starting to look OLD?!?! How old do I look? Do I need to start buying special moisturizer to keep myself young?" panic. Usually I'm celebrating when I can buy an R-rated movie or go to the mall after a certain time without showing my ID; I'm not worried about looking older than I am. Usually...

2) It was probably either my 2nd or 3rd year of college... so I was 19-21-ish. I was riding the bus in Cincinnati and an adorable little toddler/pre-schooler sat in the seat next to me (her mother was behind us) and started talking to me. At some point she asked me, "Do you have a daughter?" I told her I didn't, so she, of course, followed up with a "Why not?" How do you answer a question like that? "Well...I haven't had sex yet."? That wouldn't work... unless her mother has, for some reason, already had "the talk" with her. (And what about the follow-up "why not?" to that?) "I'm only 20..."? I'm not sure how old her mother was. "I'm not married."? I don't know if her mother was married or not. I think I stuttered out a not much better, "Uhh... I haven't found a daddy yet."...which, still might have been a wrong answer, if she didn't have a daddy in her life. But how do you answer a question like that? It wasn't strange that she asked me if I had a daughter, since she was probably 3 years old or something, so everyone over the age of 15 probably seemed to be a "grown-up" to her. Perhaps a "I'm too busy with school" might have worked, even if she didn't understand that answer.

3) And finally... the first time I was ever asked if I had children. I was working at Kings Island at the time, drawing portraits, so I was probably 17 or 18. I believe one of my coworkers was drawing a woman's children and I made a comment on how adorable they were, and she asked me, "Do you have kids of your own?" Either being in high school or being barely out of high school... that was DEFINITELY not something anyone had asked me before... nor anything I had expected to be asked. I of course responded, "No... I'm only 17 (or 18)." My coworkers and I had a good laugh about that one.

I know that technically, I am old enough to produce a child, given the right behaviors and conditions.. and probably have been for more than half my life at this point... but I'm 23! And I live in New York City. Do I have kids? Of course not! a) This city is too expensive without having to pay for children. b) I like staying out past my bedtime... not ready to give that up yet! and, of course, c) I haven't found a daddy for them yet...

Maybe someday... but definitely not today!

Idiotic Things People Do in New York City #4: Busking on subway trains

I'm counting "On rainy days, I wish I had a long, pointy umbrella" as Idiotic Things People Do in New York City #3, so this post will be number four. In case you haven't heard/noticed, I moved to New York City permanently, so now I can whine all the time. Yay!


Music in the subway stations is lovely. Music in the subway cars... not so much. The difference between the two is that it's generally easy to walk away from or ignore the former, if you do not wish to listen, whereas there is no relief from the latter.


About every other day, on at least one of my trips on the subway, a mariachi band will enter the subway car and interrupt the Usher or whatever's playing in my headphones with some loud mariachi music. I can turn up the volume until my eardrums nearly shatter, but even that is not enough to overpower the loud accordion next to my head. I can try walking to another end of the train, if there is room to do so, but then they also walk towards the other end, to make sure than everyone "gets to" hear. And of course these guys board between express stops, so that they have several minutes to force everyone to listen to them.


But it doesn't stop there. After interrupting my semi-peaceful subway ride with their awful noise, they actually have the balls to walk by and ask for money. This confuses me. I'm not sure why I'm supposed to give them money. If anything, I think they should be compensating me for taking up a few minutes of my time. 


But let's pretend for a moment that interrupting a complete stranger's subway ride with loud obnoxious music is actually doing them a service of some sort. Even so, it's a bit presumptuous. I didn't ask the mariachi band to board the train. I don't owe them anything for playing. You can't really expect an audience that had no other choice but to hear your music to feel they owe you anything.


And that's my main issue with subway train busking. In a station, on the street, in a park, etc., I can either stand around and listen and chose to drop some money in your bucket, or I can walk away and ignore you. But on the train, I have no choice. I can't leave. I'm being imprisoned to listen to music I do not care for, and my captors expect me to pay them for the "privilege." As I've said before in a status update on Facebook... if I wanted to listen to mariachi music while riding the subway... I'd load some onto my MP3 player. But... I don't.

Ridiculous Advertising #1

I enjoy commercials. Sure, they're rather annoying if you're watching some sort of epic movie on TV with commercial breaks every 5 minutes or when you're watching a reality show and the host is like "And the winner is... going to be revealed after this commercial. HA! Gotcha! *cut to commercial break.*" But even when it's not the Superbowl, many of them have some entertainment value, whether it's because they're genuinely funny or they're awful in a Rebecca Black "Friday" sort of way.

I also sometimes enjoy looking at the ads in magazines more than reading the articles. I think it's interesting to see what strategies companies are taking to try to persuade me to buy their product or use their service.

Some of the strategies are ridiculous, though. Either illogical or incredibly ironic. I'm numbering this post because although I've only come up with three for this post, I'm sure I'll find more over time. So here we go.


1) "Love Your/My Body" by Victoria's Secret

Out of respect for any males who might read my blog, I'm cropping this image, but you can view the whole thing here. Even if you don't view the link, I'm sure you can make a pretty educated guess at what the rest of this image looks like.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but advertising is supposed to try to sell a product, right? Victoria's Secret has never done a very good job of convincing me. See, I like men, a lot, so the female sex appeal thing just doesn't work on me. It just doesn't. And just look at the women in that picture. They look so distressed... maybe a little constipated. That's supposed to entice me to buy a product? It's pretty impressive that Victoria's Secret sells any underwear at all to women... the target audience for their advertising seems to be teenage boys!

I first saw the "Love Your/My Body" (I've seen "your" and "my" used, depending on the context) campaign while I was in San Francisco. My first reaction was "Hmm... I love her body... but mine doesn't look like any of those models. I guess this product is not for me and the only bodies worth loving are the ones that look like that? Wow, Victoria's Secret, thanks for the uplifting message... :("

Among the many roles in advertising, you have Art and Copy. Art creates a visual to a line given by Copy, Copy writes to a visual created by Art, and back and forth until something awesome, legal and client-approved is born. "Love Your/My Body" is ridiculous because of the disconnect between the line "Love Your/My Body" and the visual. Few woman would get the warm fuzzies for their own body after viewing images like that. They can see why the model might love her body, but what does that have to do with them? The line "A Body for Every Body" also appears frequently, next to the images of several women with very similar bodies. Also a disconnect—they say they have a Body bra for every body... but they don't prove it; instead they just show several women with similar bodies. Weird. The disconnect comes from the fact that a line like "Love Your Body" just isn't on-strategy for Victoria's Secret. Victoria's Secret doesn't want women to love their bodies. They want to sell sex, but since prostitution is illegal in most states, they just sell bras and panties instead.

2) Nutella

If you watch TV, you've probably seen this commercial:

I find it pretty funny in this time of talk about the "obesity epidemic," one brand would deviate from the trend of promoting healthy eating and instead spread the message that most people have known for years: When you cover it with sugar, food just tastes better. Especially to children.

Yes, Nutella is a hazelnut spread, but doesn't have a lot of nutritional value. The protein content is pretty pathetic and the primary ingredient is sugar. That's why it's delicious.

So when I watch this commercial, what I see is a mother saying, "I can't stand up to my kids and get them to eat healthy... so I've just going to cover everything in sugar instead!" Yeah... I don't think that's a good idea/way to instill good eating habits in children...

I love Nutella... and Nutella on toast is probably still better than a lot of sugary options... but the message of "the only way to get my kids to eat toast is to cover it in sugar" puts this ad on the list of ridiculous advertising.

3) Above the Influence - "Tree Service"

(Video is no longer online, unfortunately)



WOOHOO! I guess they have finally gotten all the kids out there to stop doing drugs, so they're using their remaining funding to tackle the wasted squirrels epidemic.

If you've ever seen Over The Hedge, you know that the last thing your neighborhood wants/needs is a high squirrel. Squirrels are crazy enough as it is... the last thing we need is them using drugs. So I think Above the Influence has a good mission here... they're just forgetting one key thing:

Squirrels don't watch TV!

I also didn't know squirrels got high, but if it's on TV, it must be true... right?

"Awww... that's fun": My least favorite responses to what I do

I remember the first time I was asked "What do you do?" It was at the first Wednesday swing dance I attended in Dayton, Ohio... July 2008. I was twenty years old, had just finished my second year of college, and thought to myself, "Oh wow... I'm old enough to DO something!" Over the years, the answer has varied... being as vague as "student" to as specific as "I'm a graphic design intern at an environmental signage and wayfinding design firm" (no one has ANY idea was that is). This past winter I even stopped saying student and just called myself a "graphic designer." However, aside from my general dislike of small talk, I sometimes dread the question, "What do you do?" Why? Frankly, I've gotten tired of many of the typical responses to "I'm a graphic designer." or "I work at a [insert brief description here]." Most likely, I just need to work on a better answer to that question myself, but here's a list, in no particular order, of the responses that sometimes bug me, and why:

1) "What's that?"
This is typically a response to one of my more descriptive responses... which apparently aren't descriptive enough. I think this will actually stop being annoying, now that I have pretty straight-forward job description... "I'm a junior art director at a pharmaceutical ad agency." Yep, that's right—I push drugs. But explaining why on earth a sign would need someone to design it? That got boring after awhile. Explaining it was fine the first few times, but after awhile, I started wishing for a much more straight-forward job description—"I cook fries at McDonald's." or "I teach fifth graders Spanish." Or maybe it was that, sometimes, as an intern, my job description sometimes wasn't very exciting—"Basically, I do what the other employees don't really want to do themselves" (Okay, so maybe that wasn't really the case at most of my internships) or "Well, I sift through the topless ladies on Getty Images and find suitable images for my supervisor's presentation" (Oh, I guess that is kinda interesting). But the point is, I suppose any question, in any context, that requires an answer longer than about three words, gets old after you've answered it five times already in one week.

2) "Oh, that sounds fun..."
I think we should all try to find enjoyment in our professions. If you spend 40+ hours a week at work, hopefully you like it well enough most of the time, right? The reason this type of response makes my pet peeve list is the tone in which it's usually said—something about it suggests a lack of respect for my profession. It's as though the person is suggesting that some people actually work, and graphic designers are just paid to sit down with a box of crayons and color (and don't get me started on the people who flat out suggest that...). It's not that simple. We're problem solvers. There are challenges and pressures at work, just like anywhere. Sometimes it's awesome... and sometimes its tedious. It is fun, but it is work, and I had to go to college, work hard and get a degree to do it. Yes, I enjoy my job, but I hope you do too!

3) "Oh, I could never do that. I can't even draw a stick figure!"
Well first of all, I'm sure you can draw a perfectly lovely stick figure, and second, have you ever tried? While it's true that some people either are or aren't cut out for certain jobs, based on personality traits (I could never act; I'd feel embarrassed and I can't keep a straight face), a lot of others can be taught. My degree program doesn't require a student to draw anything in order to be admitted; as long as you fill out an application and have good grades and test scores, you have a chance of getting in. As I mentioned in "Lessons Learned During College," you're paying the school the big bucks to teach you something. Also, I once had someone imply that graphic design was a performing art—yeah, no, not really. We're usually not performing and graphic design degree ≠ fine arts degree. Not to say graphic design is not creative work, but my degree actually doesn't even have "art" in it (it's a Bachelor of Science degree). Perhaps "Oh, I could never do that. I hate computers and paper and pencils and colors and fonts and photos and words!" might be a more valid argument. I'm flattered that you think what I do is special and that I must have some natural talent to do it (maybe I do, maybe I don't)... but for whatever reason, I feel like I have to correct this misconception. I think it goes back to the "I had to go to college, work hard and get a degree to do it" thing.

4) "Oh, so you're like real good with the Photoshop and stuff..."
Yes. Yes I am. Give me $50 and I'll photoshop your roommate's face into Donald Trump's hairstyle. Okay, so this isn't necessarily annoying, but the lack of knowledge amuses me. Yes, I use photoshop, but I also use programs you've never even heard of even more often. But it's okay. I'm also ignorant of other people's professions. I think that wearing socks that come halfway up your calves with shorts comes with the job description of "IT guy" and that telemarketers have no souls. I also get really, really confused when I see a nun in "normal" clothing.

5) "Oh, my niece does that."
I don't know if attending a school with DAAP's reputation has made me unnecessarily cocky or if the copious amounts of questionable ads for graphic design school I've seen online have made me skeptical, but when you say that, I picture your niece sitting down to Microsoft Word and playing with WordArt. Maybe she did actually attend a decent school school and can easily distinguish Univers from Helvetica, or maybe she's 13 and downloaded a cracked version of Photoshop and made something really sparkly that looks like this:

Yeah, don't even get me started on the "I can use a computer, therefore I'm a graphic designer." Or even worse: "I have Photoshop, therefore I'm a graphic designer." Putting on a tutu doesn't make me a ballerina and owning a soccer ball doesn't make me a soccer player. Hey look, I bought a scalpel; I am now qualified to do brain surgery! No... just... no. It doesn't work that way, and I feel like the "Oh, my niece does that" conversation usually happens with adults who are older and think that anyone who can use Microsoft Office is a graphic designer. Then there's the awkward conversation where I prod further and find out the niece actually does something completely different ("No... actually graphic designers and Target employees don't do that same thing...")


So what are the correct responses? Well again, I think the asking more specific questions will be less annoying now, since I have a real, grown-up job with a more straight-forward description. So moving forward, you can disregard #1. Woohoo! For #2... just try to keep anything implying that you don't think graphic design is a "real job" to yourself. A simple "Oh, cool!" will suffice. #3 through #5 pretty much fall under the "don't pretend to know what you're talking about if you really don't; just smile and nod" category. A simple improvement on #5 is to be more specific—"Oh, my niece designs Coke cans!" or "My nephew's studying something like that at RISD!" And at least a straight-forward "My brother does that; he's an expert with Microsoft Word" leads to me to a very accurate conclusion :-)

Okay, fine, so maybe it's just that after at least an eight hour day of talking graphic design at work, I'm ready for a change of subject.

Yes, I'm a graphic designer. Yes, I can use Photoshop. And yes, I thought the logo redesign for Gap was HILARIOUS. Happy?