Creeper Tales #2: Divide by 2 and add 7
There's nothing wrong with a little flirtation in the dance setting... as long as the subject is okay with it. Now, there are all sorts of discussions to be had about determining whether it's wanted by reading signals, body language, etc... but for this post, I'm addressing the aspect of age and the Standard Creepiness Rule.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Standard Creepiness Rule, the comic below references it:
"Standard Creepiness Rule: Don't date under age divided by 2... plus 7"
Now with harmless flirtation, this can probably be a little more flexible, but not as much as some men would hope. What does this mean for me and my creeper stories? I'll work backwards to find the maximum age of men who have any business flirting with me.
To give the men the best possible scenario, let's pretend I actually look my age. 23 - 7 = 16. 16 x 2 = 32. Though now that I think of it, I was 22 at the oldest when any of my old guy creeper events occurred, so 22 - 7 = 15. 15 x 2 = 30. So technically, according to the Standard Creepiness Rule, it was "creepy" for any guy older than 30 to date me... but flirting may have been permissible for men as old as their mid-30s. Men in their 40s and 50s however... absolutely not. Men in theirs 40s and 50s are old enough to be my father. Ewww. And the following stories involve men at least that old.
To again clarify where I am finding fault/creepiness with the following situations... it's the age thing. Had I been 40... these may have merely been cases of really bad pick-up lines... but since I'm 23 and barely look my age... it's just creepy.
Situation #1
The lead, who was probably in his 40s at the youngest, offered me his arm. I accepted. He said, "You accepted. We are about to begin a 4 minute relationship." I was speechless. He continued, "Unless it's a 10 minute song... then it'll be a 10 minute relationship." At that point, I almost "broke up" with him. Being likely half his age... I was not interested with a relationship with him of any length.
(Fun fact: after hearing other stories about this lead... I didn't have it so bad... but this post is about my creeper tales.)
Situation #2
If you know me well at all... you know I am not fond of mustaches. When a man in his late 40s or so with a large mustache asked me to dance... my mustache-hating instincts told me to decline him, but I decided to be polite and non-judgmental... and accepted. And then he proved my creeper instincts right when he said, "Now don't you take advantage of me." Wow. Now I don't know WHERE he got the idea that I'm in the practice of taking advantage of older men... but I was offended... and grossed out. Even if I was the type to take advantage of older men... Hugh Laurie and George Clooney are the only men who should be worried... definitely not this mustache guy. Again, I was at a loss for words, so I just said, "What does that even mean?" Ironically, this was followed by 4 or 5 minutes of 6th grade dance-type awkwardness... about a foot apart, not even touching, just shifting weight. Awkward.
Situation #3
This could also be filed under "How not to ask a follow to dance." I was about to exit the room when I felt a light tug on my ponytail. I was inclined to continue my exit, but concerned that there might be more tugging, I turned around, even though I already knew what the question and my answer would be. Again, this involved a man at least old enough to be my father. He asked me to dance. I said, "No thank you." He replied, "What?" Again I said, "No thank you." And then I exited the room. A few minutes later, while I was in the hallway, he came out and said, "Are you mad at me?" Which was strange... since I didn't even know the man. I think we'd danced once. I said, "I didn't appreciate the way you asked me." He replied, "Your back was turned. I thought it'd be cute." Cute? Really? Tugging on the ponytail of a girl at least twenty years younger than you is CUTE?! Do you go to the playground and tug on the pigtails of the little girls there? It's not cute. It's creepy. I didn't say that to him though. I just said, "Ask me to my face next time." Leads... even if he had been my age... yeah... just, no. Unless you and the girl have that kind of relationship... don't ask with a ponytail tug.
Lessons for leads
If you're bad at math... think of it this way. Would you appreciate a man your age flirting with your daughter or niece? If you're good at math... then when it comes to flirting, consider the Standard Creepiness Rule. Take your age, divide it by 2, then add 7. Now look at the girl. Do you think she's at least that age? Would you put money on it? Or is there a good chance she's younger? Is she young enough you'd worry about her father showing up and kicking your butt? Are you old enough to be her father? Are you George Clooney? You're old enough to be her father and you're not George Clooney? Then... she probably doesn't want your flirtation/awkward pick-up lines. And you don't want the reputation of being the "creepy old guy who hits on the younger girls." (And if you DO want that reputation... I can't help you.)
I'm 23. I don't look it. I don't feel it—I eat cereal with cute cartoon animals on the box, I watch Disney movies, I wear brightly colored mismatched socks AND I still haven't had my first kiss. So when a man old enough to be my father tries to flirt with me, the first thing that comes to mind is "OMG GROSS!" Then I remember I am over 18, so nothing's illegal... but it still makes me uncomfortable. So be friendly, but avoid pick-up lines and references to "relationships" or "taking advantage of" or anything else of the sort... and never, ever, ever tug a stranger's ponytail when asking her to dance. Ever.
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